Dad’s Journey

In the Meantime…

Published on by Joan

Dad’s last treatment for the t-cell lymphoma was in June of 2019. From the first time he was diagnosed with this rare form of cancer in 2017, he was told there was no cure. That even though it could be knocked down and managed, it would return.

But knock it down, he did. It had been unchanging since then. Each PET scan would result in us thanking God the cancer was still lying dormant. And in the meantime, Dad lived.

I’m reminded of the Children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. They were in their meantime for 40 years. During that time, they continued to move. They didn’t just sit still and brood over their situation. And they didn’t return to their former life of slavery, although some wanted to. But in that meantime, God took care of them. He led them. He fed them. He kept their clothes and sandals from wearing out.

Then there was the time when the Israelites were taken into exile in Babylon. That meantime was for 70 years. God told them through the prophet Jeremiah that while they were in exile, they were to build homes, get married, have families, and pray for the people holding them captive. They were not to live defeated, but to live each day as if they were not living in a foreign land.

Dad has done that in his meantime. He’s been taking one day at a time. Enjoying the good days and enduring the bad. He has never questioned God. He has simply kept trusting God to take care of him and Mom.

He’s had some good days. Some lawnmowers were tore down and rebuilt. One, multiple times. One said lawnmower became his means of transportation around the yard. When he was having a good day, you’d find him out walking some, or riding the mower to his outbuildings to piddle around.

He’s also had some bad days. The weakness in his legs hinders him from doing all the things he’s sat and thought about needing to do. On those days, just being able to sit on the carport and wave at those passing by was a big deal.

Covid further restricted him and Mom as they were advised to stay home. It felt like they were living in a foreign land because of all the restrictions and limited personal contact with loved ones and friends. They learned how to navigate a computer to watch church meetings. Mom even joined Facebook to watch preachers that aired their messages that way. And during that time, they celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary and Dad’s 80th birthday with outdoor family gatherings.

But eventually, “meantimes” come to an end.

The Children of Israel came to the end of their wandering. Then God led them to their promised land. But even that wasn’t easy. They didn’t simply walk in and enjoy new homes immediately. No. Entering the promised land involved fighting. They had to fully rely on God to guide them into those battles and to give them the victories. But eventually they laid claim to their promised land.

We all can identify with the wanderings and the exile of the Israelites. We often feel like we are going in circles. Or that we are living as foreigners in a strange and God-forsaken land. But just like the Israelites, we are to continue to move. Keep trusting. Keep living for God. And wait until He leads in another direction.

Dad’s meantime is over.  After months of getting weaker and dealing with aggravating and even debilitating issues that doctors couldn’t figure out, the answer came. The t-cell lymphoma has roared back to life. New spots appearing that were not there in a scan just one month ago. And no choice but to fight once more.

So Dad, it’s time to tighten up your armor and advance into the battle. But remember, you’re doing so with promises from God.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NKJV

Dad’s Wave Offering

Published on by Joan

Most days you can find my Dad spending some time sitting on the carport and waving at each person who passes by.  It doesn’t matter if he knows who they are or not, he still waves. Out of curiosity, I asked him one day why he waved at everyone. He just said it was his way to show friendliness.  A way to say hello and that he hoped they were doing well.

We went on to discuss how that was a normal thing in years gone by.  People would spend their evenings sitting outside and waving to the neighbors. I recall as a young girl going to see my grandparents who lived in the city in a quiet neighborhood on a dead-end street. They would be sitting on their front porch and often they would have conversations by yelling (in a friendly sort of way) to the neighbors next door or across the street who were also sitting on their porches.  No need to walk across the street or yard. Just raise your voice a little.

One day a car pulled into my parent’s driveway and a couple got out. They introduced themselves as neighbors who lived a short distance away.  They had become accustomed to receiving a friendly wave from my Dad each time they drove by and decided one day they would just stop and meet the kind man.  They had a nice visit and said they would come again someday.

My husband recently bought me a new study Bible. I started at the beginning and have been reading slowly, taking time to read all the study notes. Reading Leviticus and Numbers has always seemed hard to me.  I’m thankful our God is such a God of detail but reading about all the sacrifices and how everything is to be handled so precisely isn’t very exciting. However, when I read about the wave offerings, I immediately thought about my Dad.

The wave offering was when someone presented a sacrifice, other than one for sin. It could have been a peace offering or a fellowship offering. It would be waved back and forth in uplifted hands to God. Then a portion would be used to feed the priests and their families.  It was a way a person would say they were dedicating their sacrifice to the Lord and the Lord was giving it back to take care of the needs of his servants. The members of the Levite tribe, themselves, were presented as a wave offering before the Lord, signifying they were dedicated, set apart, to be used in service to the Lord.

We no longer must worry as Christians about offering physical sacrifices on an altar the way the Old Testament describes.  But that doesn’t mean we are not to offer sacrifices at all.

May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.  Psalm 141:2 NIV

We are to offer a sacrifice of praise.  We are to sacrifice our time, our talents, our treasures.  In fact, our whole life.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.  Romans 12:1 NIV

Everything we do, we are to do as unto the Lord. This passage describes my Dad very well.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:12-17 (NIV)

I know my Dad has been discouraged about not being able to do all the things he could do before his cancer. Even well into his seventies, he worked hard. Always working on something at home. Always ready and willing to help anyone who called on him for help. Now, a good day is feeling like riding his lawn mower to mow a little. Or riding off with his brother. Or sitting on the bench inside Walmart while my Mom shops.

His body has, in a sense, betrayed him. He still has the desire to be useful and busy, but fighting the cancer robbed him of physical strength. And what the fight didn’t take, the side effects of chemo did, aging him beyond his actual number of years. Therefore, he sits. And waves.

But I feel sure that each friendly wave my Dad offers, each heartfelt desire that his wave is bringing joy to someone’s day, is rising up as a sweet-smelling aroma to the Lord. He’s still in service unto the Lord.

So, keep waving, Dad.  Keep waving.

Choose Better

Published on by Joan

I’ve had many folks asking how my Dad is doing. We appreciate all the inquiries and the continual prayers.

Dad’s 4th chemo treatment was the last week of May. Because it was Memorial Day on that Monday, he went 4 days that week and had the last of 5 days of treatment on June 3.  After that, he had a PET scan on June 11.  That scan revealed there was slight improvement in some of the lymph nodes but there were still several in his chest that had not cleared up.  The doctor discussed with Dad how difficult the treatments had been.  Even though, on paper, he is 78 years old, his body has aged by two years due to the side effects of chemo.  So it is like his body is that of an 80 year old.

They discussed the fact that this rare form of cancer, T-cell lymphoma, is aggressive and will continue to come back even with treatment.  The pros and cons were openly discussed of continuing treatment or ending chemo. For now, Dad has chosen to stop treatment.  He will continue to go regularly to have his port flushed and blood work done.  His next appointment with the doctor is three months away, at which point a scan may be scheduled.  If the cancer has progressed, he can chose to begin treatment once more.

My Dad made that decision with the doctor on the week before he had been scheduled to start another round of chemo.  He was immediately relieved that he did not have to endure another week of feeling sick and exhausted beyond description.  Each day that week when he was able to get outside and do anything, he would tell Mom that he would not have been capable of doing that task if he had continued with treatment.

Now, he has some days when he feels good and is able to get out and do things.  He can mow a little bit and rest.  He can clean out a stopped up drain pipe, then rest.  Other days, his 80 year old body doesn’t feel strong at all.  His legs are the biggest problem, feeling like he has little strength at times to walk any distance.  Yet, days spent sitting on the carport visiting with neighbors who stop by have been enjoyed.  He and Mom keeping hummingbird feeders filled so they can enjoy watching the birds.  Visits from family and just getting out and riding around have occurred.  Small things have been enjoyed that he would not have felt up to doing had he still been taking treatments.

The feelings have been a mixture of relief and worry. Of anxiousness and peace.  It is after all, ultimately Dad’s decision.  It’s been hard on Dad, enduring the harshness of the treatments and it’s been hard on family members watching it.  It’s nice seeing him getting out and doing things, even though there is a limit to how much he can do. 

As I have tried to process all the varying emotions, one Bible story kept coming to mind.

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:38-42 (NKJV)

We have so many decisions in our life that we have to make each day.  Some we make involuntarily and without any thought at all.  Other decisions that affect our life, we need to make carefully.  The most important decision we will ever make is whether or not to receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.  But even after that, we still must chose each day whether or not to follow His leading.  Mary and Martha both loved Jesus.  And even though Martha was doing well to serve the Lord, Mary had chosen what was better, to spend time with Him. 

My Dad could have chosen to take treatments until all the cancer was gone.  But the side effects were grueling.  He was unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of any task because of feeling so bad.  He chose what was better for him.  To enjoy the summer, doing whatever he feels like doing each day. He chose feeling up to sitting around spending time with family and friends in conversation, rather than lying in a bed from feeling too sick to set up. 

We do not know what the future holds.  None of us do.  So each day we need to choose the better thing.  Spend time with the Lord.  Spend time with family.  Enjoy simple tasks.  Choose better.

I Love You, Dad!

Is It Worth It?

Published on by Joan

I have to admit right up front that I have really struggled writing this.  The older I have gotten, the more pain and suffering I see and hear people having to deal with, the more I see how far away from God people get, the more I long for the day I enter into eternity with Christ. 

Although I can’t say I truly understand all my Dad has felt and gone through in his fight against cancer, I can see it’s been hard.  I’ve heard about the struggles others have had in trying to decide whether to continue treatment options to hopefully prolong life or to just allow nature to take its course. I also know from experience the depth of despair caused by depression and the feeling of just wanting to give up.  It seems every which way I look, someone is struggling with something.

I would dare say at some point in every person’s life, the question has been asked, “Is it really worth it?”

My Dad had another round of chemo the last week of May.  Since Monday was Memorial Day, he went Tuesday through Friday, had Saturday and Sunday off, then had the 5th treatment on Monday.  He felt really bad Friday night and over the weekend.  His legs feel very weak and keeps him from being able to walk very much at one time.  When he does walk, he’s sometimes unsteady and wobbly.  He’s felt nauseous and has had chills. 

When I went to visit Mom and Dad on Sunday before his last treatment on Monday, we talked about how he felt.  I had debated whether or not to ask him the question I had been pondering for so long. Maybe I thought waiting until the treatments were over and he was in remission once again would allow him to give me a more favorable response.  But asking him the question when he felt so bad worried me.  However, the opportunity arose and I asked.

“Is it worth it, Dad?”

His answer was immediate.  “Well, sure it is.”

He went on to discuss with me how the doctor had said he was helping a lot of people.  The type of lymphoma he has is so rare and how he is responding to the specific type of chemo being used is being noted.  A neighbor recently visited Dad and told him how Dad was an inspiration to him.  Through the blog posts and entries in Facebook my sister-in-law and I have written about him, many people have been blessed with how God has worked in the lives of both Mom and Dad.  The wonderful workers at Levine Cancer Center have been both blessed and been a blessing. So yes, it was worth it.

However, just believing that our struggles are worth going through if it glorifies God, doesn’t make the struggles any easier. Discouragement is still present. Physical, as well as, emotional weakness exists. So how do we reconcile staying positive that God is in control with the sense of defeat and wanting to give up? The answer to this question is the same answer to every question a Christian ever asks.  Jesus.   Just, Jesus.

Anytime I start thinking about writing something, I ponder over it a good while before I actually begin writing.  As I stated to begin with, this time I really struggled.  Because my mind would go from pondering this big question about our struggles being worth the pain, then my mind would picture Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

I think we often forget that Christ, our Savior, our Redeemer, the Son of God, struggled in His human body as He faced going to the cross. He knew exactly what He was going to have to endure.  He knew the pain and suffering that would be inflicted upon Him.  He knew.  And in His human state, He fell on His face to the ground, and in great anguish he was sweating drops of blood.  He asked His Abba if what He knew was coming could be taken from Him.  And this is where the thought kept going through my mind. 

In His great anguish, was Jesus seeing my face and contemplating, “Is it worth it?”

Selah. (Think about that.)

This is why I have struggled so.  After all that Christ endured for me, after saying to God the Father, “Yet not my will, but Thine be done,” – how in the world can I complain about anything God asks of me?  If depression is my battle for life, then may God get glory from it.  If sickness or other struggles arise, then praise God anyway. Anything we have to face in this world will never compare to what Christ endured for us.  Thinking about all that has brought me to my knees.

May we remain faithful to accept the plan God has already ordained for our lives.  May we remember always what Christ did for us.  May we praise God for using every situation for our good and, most importantly, for His glory.

So you were right, Dad.  Well, sure it is.  It’s most definitely worth it.

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled.  Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”     Matthew 26:36-46 NIV 

He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”  An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.    Luke 22:41-44  NIV 

Why?

Published on by Joan

Dad handled the second round of chemo a little better than the first.  During the first round, by the fourth and fifth day, he was very weak and nauseous.  The second round didn’t hit him that hard – until the weekend.  He has felt weak and not up to doing a whole lot at a time. It’s been a struggle.

Another bad thing about chemo is the affects it has on parts of the body not affected by cancer.  Like teeth.  One tooth was to the point of just crumbling away, so he had to have it pulled.  He had already had one pulled prior to beginning chemo this time.  He has several places in his mouth now where he has no teeth at all.  Mom has kept him supplied with mashed potatoes and homemade puddings.  When the family gathered together for lunch on Easter Sunday, he still could not eat anything that couldn’t be mashed up to a soft state because of the soreness and fewer teeth to chew with.

It’s hard to understand sometimes why certain things happen in this life.  I struggled a lot with the “why Dad?” question when he first got sick.  I guess that was a big reason for beginning the series of blog posts that I have written about him.  I had to find a purpose, a reason to praise God in the midst of what seems to be, really, just plain unfair.  I had to keep remembering that God didn’t promise us life would be fair.  He did, however, promise us His Best. 

Stop and think.  If we could choose, and some have, would it be better to have things go perfectly here, being able to enjoy every pleasure this world can offer in exchange for an eternity without Christ?  Or, choosing a life with struggles, knowing that eternity with a perfect Savior will be more than this world can possibly offer?  This life is just a vapor.  Focusing on eternity with Christ is way sweeter than whatever temporary sweetness this life can offer without Him. 

So, have we figured out the why, yet?  No, not exactly.

One day when Dad finished his treatment, a lady was there sitting with her friend who was receiving treatment. The lady had recognized my Dad and told her friend he was a preacher. The lady taking treatment asked him if he was still preaching anywhere.  Dad told her that he wasn’t because of his health.  She then asked, “You still pray?”

Dad assured her that he did.  She asked him to pray for her.  So there in the treatment room, a small group of people, including two patients besides my Dad, formed a circle holding hands and he prayed.

I look back over the last few years and see so much that my Dad has had to go through.  And there is still much in front of him to have to endure.  But could it be that my Dad was there in that place, that very day, for that very reason?  To offer encouragement and a prayer to a God who hears and is faithful in an unfair world? Or maybe, someone among the many who have prayed for him through the years and have been touched by his story, maybe they were encouraged and challenged to draw closer to the Lord.

We could sit and play the guessing game, we could keep asking “why” all day long, but that doesn’t accomplish anything.  But when we leave the accomplishing up to God, much can happen.  He promises His Word will not return void.  So, if we continue to honor Christ, praising Him for the comfort and peace He has given, trusting Him to bring healing once again, and then praise Him for that healing when it comes, His Word will be proclaimed over and over.

Dad will start his third round of treatment on Monday, April 29th.  Please continue to pray for him.

This struggle is not in vain, Dad. It’s not why, but Who.  And His purpose is being accomplished through you!

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.  11 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.    Ephesians 1:3-14 (NIV)

The Chair

Published on by Joan

The first month of the treatment cycle is almost over.  Dad had chemo for 5 days straight.  Monday and Tuesday were not too bad, but by Wednesday, each day was progressively worse.  By Friday, the nausea, weakness and other side effects were in full force.  The weekend and following week were not pleasant.  He felt week and unable to do much at all.  But over the next two weeks he grew stronger.  He was able to get outside and do some things he had been wanting to do. 

The Levine Cancer Center provides my Mom with a calendar for the entire month that shows each appointment time, location and purpose.  When Dad is scheduled to receive a chemo treatment, the calendar will state the time, location and states, “Chair #.”  There are 9 different chairs in the treatment room so the number can change.

One day as I was looking over the schedule, seeing the word “chair” caught my attention.  I had seen it listed that way many times from the last time Dad was going through treatments.  But somehow this time it made me stop and think.

 It draws attention to the fact that it’s not just another routine appointment.  It’s not just a short visit with a nurse to draw blood.  It’s not a time to speak with the doctor.  It’s a time to receive the treatment that all the other appointments had been preparing for.

As I thought about that, I thought about another chair, or seat, reserved for us.

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:4-10 NIV

When we receive Christ as our Savior, we are seated in heavenly places.  Even as we continue to live our lives on this earth, we have our own chair already placed with our name on it in heaven.  And every God appointment we experience on this side of heaven is preparing us for the day when we take that seat, our appointed place, for all eternity.  I don’t completely understand how we are already seated with Him and still be here, but it makes sense.  He takes up residence in us through the Person of the Holy Spirit so we are already in residence with Him in heavenly realms, as well.

Dad is scheduled to begin the next round of treatment on Monday in Chair 06.  I can’t say he’s looking forward to sitting in that chair.  I can say that the wonderful ladies that work at Levine try to make each visit as comfortable as possible.  They came to realize pretty quickly when he first was diagnosed with t-cell lymphoma that my Dad loves to pick.  So every time he goes, there is friendly conversations and picking taking place.  Somehow the laughter relieves the gravity of what’s taking place in his body.  It has meant a lot to him and my Mom, and all of us, how well they have treated him.

Sometimes we just can’t understand the reasons why certain things take place.  Why we have to sit in some of the “chairs” we find ourselves in.  Why some appointments we face are difficult to go through.  We can, however, rest assured that each appointment with troubles and trials, each chair we have to spend a little time sitting in, Christ is sitting right there alongside us.  After all, if we are already seated beside Him and since He lives within us, His chair is always right next to ours.  He’s there taking care of us in each situation just as the wonderful ladies take care of my Dad.

So now I must ask, do you have an assigned chair waiting on you?  Have you received Christ as your Savior and know for sure the Father has seated you in heavenly places? There won’t be any extra chairs to pull up next to Christ once we leave this earth.  We either have our chair reserved or we won’t have one at all.

But for now, Dad, your chair awaits.     

Break Time’s Over

Published on by Joan

1Cor 518

When Dad was told he was in remission in May 2018, the doctor had suggested doing a little more chemo just to hopefully keep the cancer away.  As I have said in earlier posts, the T-cell Lymphoma that Dad has is very rare and the doctor was not sure how long it would take to come back.  They just say that it will recur.

Dad said he wanted a break.  He wanted to regain some strength and enjoy some good days.  And he has had some good days along with some not so good days.  He has problems with arthritis and some bulging and ruptured discs in his back, so pain is often felt when he moves around a lot.  He was able to get some shots in his back that did relieve some of the pain for a while.

He went for CT scans every three months.  Each time many prayers were prayed in hopes the cancer would remain in remission.  Each time, prayers were answered.

The financial burden had been great over the year and a half he was undergoing treatment.  My dad had been self employed for many years and so did not have medical insurance.  He had always been very healthy until he got cancer.  His church put on a barbecue meal and I ran a Go Fund Me campaign for a while to help with their expenses.  We all were very appreciative of everyone who willingly gave to assist them with the cost of all the treatments.

When open enrollment for insurance came around in October, dad was able to sign up for insurance since he was in remission.  That has relieved a lot of the stress when it comes to thinking about the cancer returning.

So Dad had 10 months of being able to do some things.  Because of his age and the damage taking chemo had done to his body, he is not the same agile and strong man he was before 2017.  Yet on good days he would get out as much as possible.  Christmas was especially wonderful since he was well enough to enjoy getting together with family, children, grandkids and great grandkids.

Mom&Dad2

With the new insurance in place the beginning of the year, when it came time for another scan in February, the insurance dictated that the CT scan be changed to a PET scan.  God is working all things in the details together already.  The PET is more thorough anyway to detect cancer, which it did.  Had he just had a CT scan, it may not have shown up as clearly and the PET scan would have had to be scheduled.  A couple spots showed up in 4 lymph nodes in his chest.  It has been caught early.  The doctor recommends beginning chemo to keep it from spreading and growing anymore.

Dad’s break time is over.

He began chemo on March 4th.  The same type of drug that was used successfully before is being used again.  He will once again do chemo five days straight, have three weeks off, then repeat the five days of chemo.  This will last for six months.

As I think about the end of a break, to me it means going back to work.  Getting back to the labor that was being endured before the break.

When I was young, I never really enjoyed reading much of the Old Testament.  Some of the well-known Bible Stories were interesting, but when it talks a lot about the Children of Israel building the tabernacle and then later the temple, there was so much detail that I wasn’t really interested in.  Yet, when I became older and tried to really gain understanding of the whole Word of God, I looked at the Old Testament in a new light.

God ordains work.  Even from the very beginning, we are told in detail about what God worked on for 6 days, before He rested from His work.  When the tabernacle was being built, God gave skillful workers the ability to make beautiful works of metal and tapestries.  God gave specific instructions about how the artisans were to mold certain flowers from metal and coat with gold.  He gave specific instructions of what color thread to use in the tapestries and in the garments to be worn by the priests.  Every detail was carefully explained to every worker.  And when God instructed the people to have moments of worship, he instructed the people to restrain themselves from working.  Restrain from working?  I don’t have to restrain myself to stop working.  But obviously the people took their work seriously and saw it as something they were doing for God, so much so, that stopping to take a break meant laying down something they loved doing.

In the New Testament, Christ came to be busy doing the work of the Father.  He instructed His disciples to be busy working.  The thought is stated that if you don’t work, you don’t eat.  How well would that work in today’s society?

There were times when Jesus had to take His disciples away to a quiet place to rest from their work.  But they always returned to that work.  There is so much more that can be said about working for the Lord.  But for now, God has a plan and what my Dad is going through once again, I believe, is part of that plan.  God blessed Dad with 10 months of rest, but now the work and battle against this cancer is starting back.  God faithfully brought Dad through it before and I know He will do it again.

So many people prayed for my Dad and many, many people were touched because of Him.  We saw God working in so many details the whole time he was sick.  We saw things that could only be explained by saying it was a God-thing.  Perhaps now there is someone new that needs to be touched through everything that is going to happen.  I know it is going to be hard.  We didn’t know before what all to expect.  Dad knows this time much of what to expect from enduring chemo.  And it’s not a pleasant anticipation to have.  However, knowing my Dad and knowing my Abba Father, with the two of them working together, it’s going to be something amazing to watch!

So for now, break time’s over.  Get to work, Dad!  You have a battle to win!

 

(If you are new to following along with my Dad’s battle against cancer, you can read all previous posts under Dad’s Journey.)

Taking A Break

Published on by Joan

(This was the last post I wrote in 2018 about my Dad.  Updates will soon be coming.  Please Pray!)

Rest

All of my life I have heard of people who have had cancer.  When I was young, though, it was a disease that seemed like only “old people” had.  And they often didn’t live long after learning they had it.  However, through the years as I have gotten older, it seems like cancer is more prevalent and has no age restrictions.  Old and young alike are diagnosed and treated.  With the advancement in treatments, many people go into remission and some are cured.  Some, unfortunately, still pass quickly.  Once, the diagnosis of cancer was pretty much a death sentence, but not so now.

The past year and a couple months have been eye-opening watching my Dad go through his diagnosis with t-cell lymphoma and subsequent treatments.  There have been some lows, some really-really lows, and some just okay days.  And there have been some good days, too.   The PET scan he had on May 1, 2018 is clear.  We are thanking God that He has brought healing once again and we are praying that the cancer doesn’t return this time.

Before Dad was diagnosed with t-cell lymphoma, his health had been going down.  He tried to chalk it up to getting old, but my Mom knew something wasn’t right.  And Dad knew it too, but had not been telling everything he was feeling.

He had swollen lymph nodes for years.  He had night sweats. He would tire very easily.  Only after receiving the diagnosis did some of the symptoms he had been experiencing make sense.

He became very ill in March of 2017.  His diagnosis did not come easy.  Had he not been diagnosed when he had, the doctor said he would not have lived but a few more weeks.  It was that advanced.  And that hard to determine exactly what was wrong.  He took chemo until the end of July 2017, before being told he was in remission the first time.  But the scan at the end of October showed it had returned.

He started back with a new type of chemo in November.  He would have a week of treatments, have two weeks off and then have another week of treatments.  They later let him go for three week in between treatments.  It was like being on a roller coaster.  He would feel good for a little bit and then would have to start back with another treatment and feel bad.  And even on the weeks when he had treatment, each day would be different.  One day wouldn’t be so bad, but then the next would be.

The drug they were using is a fairly new drug so the side effects were unknown to a certain extent.  And of course, with my Dad being the unique person he is, his side effects were not the same as the most common side effects they were watching for.  A couple unexpected symptoms were itching and hot flashes.  The hot flashes were uncomfortable.  Of course, we teased him about going through menopause.

Even though the PET scan in May 2018 was clear, the doctor had suggested that Dad still continue with treatments because of the type of cancer he had and the likelihood, in man’s opinion, that it will return.  But Dad wants a break.  He is feeling good and would like to have some time to enjoy feeling good.  So for now we are thanking God for his healing and praying this break he wants will last a long time.

Enjoy your break, Dad!

 

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,  I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

Psalm 116:1-9  NIV

The Journey Continues

Published on by Joan

Pic 2 Journey Continues

At the end of July, Dad found out he was in remission from T-cell Lymphoma.  It was the answer to many prayers and God was given all the praise.

He went back to his church on Sunday, August 5th, for the first time since March.  My brother and his wife, along with my daughter and I, went with them.  The outpouring of love shown to him touched us all.

Throughout the month of August, Dad got out more and did things around the house and outside that he had not been able to do in quite a while.  He still had weakness in his legs and one foot has what is called “foot drop.”  He went to physical therapy to work on his balance and strength.  He had days when he felt good enough to get out and about and then days when he laid down most of the time.

In September and October, his weakness gradually became a little more prevalent.  He still pushed himself to get outside but many days felt too weak to do much.  He had a CT scan at the end of October.  And then a PET scan.  The news was not what anyone wanted to hear.  The lymphoma was back, but not to the extent it had been when he was first diagnosed.  The doctor had researched some new drugs that had been developed for the specific rare form of lymphoma that Dad had.  So once again, treatment began.

This time he went daily for five days, receiving the new drug.  Then he had two weeks off before starting another round of 5 days.    It was the first time that specific drug was used at the cancer center.  Although there was a list of possible side effects, no one really knew what to expect.  He did have some side effects, including the continual feeling of weakness.  He also had stinging and itching that was and still is hard to bear.

After finishing the third round, he went for a PET scan the day after Christmas.  The news from the scan was good.  The lymph nodes that had shown up on the scan in November was not seen in the new PET scan.  However, the doctor had indicated before the scan that regardless of the results, he thought Dad should still have another three rounds of treatment.

I have hesitated writing about my Dad’s medical condition again.  When I wrote the last post announcing his remission from T-cell Lymphoma, I had so hoped it was the last time I would ever write anything about it.  The doctor had told us that the type of cancer he had would most likely recur, but when it would return was unknown.  Of course we had all hoped it would not return, but if it did, that it would be many years down the road.

Back in November when I thought about the fact that Dad’s battle with cancer and that journey he was on was not yet over, I found myself thinking about that word – journey.   It means more than just a short trip from one place to another.  One definition is, “a passage or progress from one stage to another.”

I think about it this way.  A trip, to me, is like going to the grocery store.  It’s going somewhere for a specific purpose, for just a short time, before returning back home.  But a journey in my mind, is traveling at a distance, maybe with a destination in mind, but with other stops along the way.  Stops to enjoy the views, to discover unexpected delights and making memories to savor for years to come.

But wait – my own definition is radically different than the journey my Dad has been on.  Yes, he has had unexpected stops.  Like the heart attack.  Not exactly a nice view.  Unexpected delights?  Some.  Like the outpouring of love shown to him and my mom and the thousands of prayers offered up to our God.  But the unknown was often nerve wracking and far from delightful.  Memories?  Many, but not all good.

So how can I continue to call the experience my Dad has been and still is going through a journey?

I can call it a journey because I know where my Dad’s ultimate destination is.  He is still traveling along the path God has him on, and I’m praying he still has a way to go.  But his ultimate destination is heaven.

Stops to enjoy the view?  When we travel, do we not go through areas that are not so pretty to get to the breath-taking sites?  Dad has gone through some very hard things.  And still is.  Things that have been downright ugly.  But at many points when he has turned a corner, when he has had days of feeling well, when he has spent time with family and felt God’s presence beside him, it was good places to stop and enjoy the moments.

What about the unexpected delights?  Again, it’s easy to think about the bad, but there have been moments that have brought delight.  Dad’s sickness has caused many, including myself, think more about the importance of family.  To enjoy the small things.  To know the feeling of full dependence and trust in an Almighty, Loving Lord.  It’s been a matter of choosing to look at how much God has and is doing instead of what has not happened.

And memories?  More than can be counted. Some not very pleasant, but many that are priceless.  But just because they have not all been moments we want to savor, it made the good ones just that much more precious.

One recent memory caught on camera by my Dad, himself, will always bring a smile to my face.  My brother and sister-in-law, my husband and I went to Mom and Dad’s to spend time together for Christmas.  We took turns taking pictures of each other.  Then wanting to have a picture of us all together, we gathered around my parents and my Dad took a selfie.  First time ever!

As I look at that picture, I remember the journey.  We are all on a journey.  Sometimes we look outward, at things that are around us, things that are occurring that we allow to determine if the journey has been a good one or bad one.  But we also need to look within.  The journey that determines the destination of our soul is so much more important than the journey our bodies are on.  Are we taking short trips, focusing on whatever immediate gratification we can grab, or are we on that journey that leads us to an eternity with Christ?

Maybe we should all take a selfie, search our hearts and see if we are on a trip or a journey.

But for now, travel on, Dad.  The journey isn’t over yet.

Dads selfie

Dad’s Journey – Part 5

Published on by Joan

A Dad By Any Other Name Is Still My Super Hero!

On Wednesday, July 5th, Dad went to the cancer center for the sixth, and we hoped, the final chemo treatment.

For as long as I can remember, my Dad always wore button up shirts.  Whether they were dress shirts or work shirts, they were buttoned in the front and had pockets where he would keep a pad and an ink pen.

On his birthday in May, my daughter Christy gave him a Superman t-shirt.  It seemed to tickle him.  He wore it to the next chemo treatment.  The ladies at the cancer clinic got a kick out of calling him Superman.

Then my brother Nelson and sister-in-law Anna gave him a Tony the Tiger t-shirt.  He wore that to the next treatment and again got a good response from the nurses.  The names from the two shirts were combined and he became known as Superman Tony.

Dad's shirts

For his final treatment he wore a t-shirt my daughter Martha gave him.  In the center of the shirt, it says, “My favorite people call me.”  All around the shirt were the words: Dad, Papa, Husband, Brother, Father-In-law, Brother-In-Law, and Uncle.  When one nurse saw it, Dad told her she could call him anything on the shirt she wanted to call him, but to not ask him for money.  She asked him for a car, instead.

Before starting the last chemo treatment, they checked his blood levels.  Because his heart attack had been caused by his low blood, they wanted to make sure his levels were good before giving him a treatment.  When they saw that his blood levels were ok, they started the fluids and nausea IV.  They had to wait on the chemo so it was almost 1:00 before it was started.  He finished up around 2:30.  Martha came to the cancer center and greeted him with balloons when he came out, in celebration of his last treatment.

As with all the other treatments, he felt ok for a couple of days but began feeling weaker and weaker.  He began to run some fever on Monday, July 10.  He ran a little on Tuesday and had chills Tuesday night.  He had a scheduled appointment at Levine on Wednesday.  He was so weak he could hardly walk.  They decided to give him some fluids and an antibiotic by IV.  They checked his blood and the levels were low so they sent him to the hospital to get two units of blood.  He was finally able to go home around 8:00 PM.

He felt much better Thursday morning.  Superman Tony was back!  He was up at 5:30 ready to eat breakfast and start his day.

When I think of all of the various names my Dad has, I realize that all of those names describe the relationship that different people have with him.  To me, he’s the best Daddy in the world.  His grandchildren and great grandchildren endearingly call him Papa.  He is many things to many people.  Just as we all are to the different people in our lives.

When we have accepted Christ as our Savior, we have a unique relationship with our Heavenly Father.  He also has various names depending upon the need that is in our life at any particular moment.  When we need peace, He is our Jehovah Shalom (the Lord is Peace.)  When we feel alone, He is our El Roi (He Who Sees Me.)  When we need protection and guidance, He is Jehovah Rohi (The Lord is My Shepherd.)  When we are in the midst of a battle, He is our Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is My Banner.)  When we have needs, He is Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide.)  And many, many more.  God is our Everything in every circumstance.

Over the last several weeks since Dad’s last chemo treatment, he has been very weak.  The doctor has said it could be just from the chemo and the stress his body has been through and also from the heart attack he had.   It has been hard and discouraging not getting his strength back as quickly as he would like.

Dad went for the PET scan on Tuesday, July 25th.  It was a long 24 hours waiting to see the doctor for results.

On Wednesday, July 26th, Dad’s appointment at Levine was at 9:20.  Mom, my brother and I eagerly waited with Dad for the doctor to come.  When the doctor came in, he brought up the image of the first PET scan next to the image of the PET scan from the previous day.  The results showed the cancer was gone.  Dad is in full remission!

There is a bell that hangs on the wall in the hall of the cancer center.  When a patient is declared cancer free, they get to ring the bell.  As the nurses and family members gathered around, Dad rang the bell.  Everyone cheered and clapped.

Ring That Bell

We are praising and thanking God for all He has done.  It has been a long, hard four months.  And Dad still has a way to go in building up his strength.  But God has been with us all every step of the way.  May the bells in heaven ring to the glory of my Abba!

And to my Dad, God has most recently been Jehovah Rapha (The Lord Who Heals.)

Dad, you will always be my Super Hero.  And now you have a couple more names.  Cancer Survivor and a Healed Child of God! Amen!

New Names