I have to admit right up front that I have really struggled writing this. The older I have gotten, the more pain and suffering I see and hear people having to deal with, the more I see how far away from God people get, the more I long for the day I enter into eternity with Christ.
Although I can’t say I truly understand all my Dad has felt and gone through in his fight against cancer, I can see it’s been hard. I’ve heard about the struggles others have had in trying to decide whether to continue treatment options to hopefully prolong life or to just allow nature to take its course. I also know from experience the depth of despair caused by depression and the feeling of just wanting to give up. It seems every which way I look, someone is struggling with something.
I would dare say at some point in every person’s life, the question has been asked, “Is it really worth it?”
My Dad had another round of chemo the last week of May. Since Monday was Memorial Day, he went Tuesday through Friday, had Saturday and Sunday off, then had the 5th treatment on Monday. He felt really bad Friday night and over the weekend. His legs feel very weak and keeps him from being able to walk very much at one time. When he does walk, he’s sometimes unsteady and wobbly. He’s felt nauseous and has had chills.
When I went to visit Mom and Dad on Sunday before his last treatment on Monday, we talked about how he felt. I had debated whether or not to ask him the question I had been pondering for so long. Maybe I thought waiting until the treatments were over and he was in remission once again would allow him to give me a more favorable response. But asking him the question when he felt so bad worried me. However, the opportunity arose and I asked.
“Is it worth it, Dad?”
His answer was immediate. “Well, sure it is.”
He went on to discuss with me how the doctor had said he was helping a lot of people. The type of lymphoma he has is so rare and how he is responding to the specific type of chemo being used is being noted. A neighbor recently visited Dad and told him how Dad was an inspiration to him. Through the blog posts and entries in Facebook my sister-in-law and I have written about him, many people have been blessed with how God has worked in the lives of both Mom and Dad. The wonderful workers at Levine Cancer Center have been both blessed and been a blessing. So yes, it was worth it.
However, just believing that our struggles are worth going through if it glorifies God, doesn’t make the struggles any easier. Discouragement is still present. Physical, as well as, emotional weakness exists. So how do we reconcile staying positive that God is in control with the sense of defeat and wanting to give up? The answer to this question is the same answer to every question a Christian ever asks. Jesus. Just, Jesus.
Anytime I start thinking about writing something, I ponder over it a good while before I actually begin writing. As I stated to begin with, this time I really struggled. Because my mind would go from pondering this big question about our struggles being worth the pain, then my mind would picture Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
I think we often forget that Christ, our Savior, our Redeemer, the Son of God, struggled in His human body as He faced going to the cross. He knew exactly what He was going to have to endure. He knew the pain and suffering that would be inflicted upon Him. He knew. And in His human state, He fell on His face to the ground, and in great anguish he was sweating drops of blood. He asked His Abba if what He knew was coming could be taken from Him. And this is where the thought kept going through my mind.
In His great anguish, was Jesus seeing my face and contemplating, “Is it worth it?”
Selah. (Think about that.)
This is why I have struggled so. After all that Christ endured for me, after saying to God the Father, “Yet not my will, but Thine be done,” – how in the world can I complain about anything God asks of me? If depression is my battle for life, then may God get glory from it. If sickness or other struggles arise, then praise God anyway. Anything we have to face in this world will never compare to what Christ endured for us. Thinking about all that has brought me to my knees.
May we remain faithful to accept the plan God has already ordained for our lives. May we remember always what Christ did for us. May we praise God for using every situation for our good and, most importantly, for His glory.
So you were right, Dad. Well, sure it is. It’s most definitely worth it.
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” Matthew 26:36-46 NIV
He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. Luke 22:41-44 NIV